She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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