can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
