Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
