YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
