If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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