he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
