Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
