I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
