she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Actions speak louder than pants.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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