YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
