Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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