I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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