so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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