also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I need a burrito and a hug.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
