My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
is that a dick in a sweater?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
