i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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