You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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