I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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