I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize