Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
