TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
