A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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