Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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