Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
