i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize