just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize