I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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