Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
