She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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