I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
two words...techno handjob
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
