I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
