Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This baby is an asshole
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
