Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
