And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
