I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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