I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
