I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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