Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
