WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
