The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
