i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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