He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
