Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
try to milk me bitch
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