Already got asked if we're dating
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
