i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
