I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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