i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
