I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize