is your mom at the bar?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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