Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
