I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
