That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Michael Bay diarrhea
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize