We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize