Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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