Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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