i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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