also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
