Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
