You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
