he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize