I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
