How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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