Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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