Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
