I didn't shave. On purpose
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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