I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
