while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
